expectations kill.
March 27, 2007 at 11:12 pm (Kah Ming, Life, Studying)
Hi everyone! I’m really sad that all of you decided to abandon this blog, SO because i’m distracted and at home and online most of the time, i’ve decided to get the ball rolling again.
Much has happened since the last post…i guess 2007 has been different for most of us. Hopefully we never lose our sense of wonder even with varied life experiences, and when Life gives us a chance, i hope we’ll dance (:
My results last semester were horrible. Nonetheless, because of the shock it gave me i was jolted out of my self-absorbed world. Whatever the case, it doesn’t seem as if i’m working my ass off this semester. I mean yes, i work hard. But i can’t understand why after 6 hours in front of the com i have written a mere 500 words. My work ethic has degraded tremendously since secondary school where motivation was high and i stuck to my guns and soldiered through studying till all work is done. I’m upset.
The thing is, my father has never been pressurising about getting good grades before. Recently though, he keeps asking me if i am coping well. Yes i admit that i haven’t been spending much time doing work with tai chi and kickboxing class and going out and stuff, but i don’t think i’m on the risk of becoming a school dropout. And he keeps reassuring himself on the pretext of expressing confidence in my ability, saying that he knows for sure i’ll graduate with 2nd upper and all that crap. I mean, it’s extremely uncertain, no matter how much i hope for it. I mean, i know i’ll graduate. Is that not enough? And he keeps bringing up past glories like my O level results and stuff…making me feel worse because i’m no longer performing as well as before and certainly i’m not as driven as before either. Sigh. What should i do. My father takes so much pride in my modest achievements, and in a way it validates him in front of my snobby relatives, but it makes me afraid of what might happen should i suddenly disappoint him. He’s really nice about it though…but subtly i know that what i do makes him proud and thus i’m really scared.
Oh well. I wanted to go watch a movie by myself tomorrow, but i guess that ought to wait until at least i’ve finished one of my essays.
