Overseas for the first time
I know i haven’t updated. Life’s been a little cruel to me in the first week of my neuroscience semester. Currently, i am lagging 7 lectures behind, and tomorrow is my last day to catch up before i am bombarded by another 8 lectures next week. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like i can do any substantial catching up since i have a softball match tomorrow and it looks like it is gonna take the whole day.
My good friend, Cheryl, has come over to the Land Down Under to study. Her mom left early this afternoon. I have been spending the day with her, and by the way, i am not lamenting, complaining or grumbling. On the contrary, i am glad she’s here. She provides an element of familiarity, a sparkle from my life in Singapore, in a foreign land here.
I remember the day when my parents left me in Aussie after a mere week. It was an overwhelming feeling. My mother started her waterworks on the very morning itself. Thinking back, i realized her sadness didn’t start then. It started way back when i made the suggestion of going to Aussie to study, and the suggestion was turning into a reality. Her sadness manifested itself as anger, and short bursts of temper, which i didn’t recognize at that time, but just attributed it to workplace stress and the excessive financial burden. Now i realize otherwise.
Cold hearted as i am, i am not without feelings. When my mom left, sobbing away, with my father looking distinctly peculiar, i felt my tears coming. All the plans that i had established after my parents left just crumbled. I can still recall those feelings. They were insanely overwhelming. I felt so lost, afloat in this giant city all by myself. And i realized for the first time that if anything was to happen to me, i wouldn’t really have any family to turn to. It would boil down to just me, and only ME to fend for myself and survive. And no matter how hard my parents want to extend their help, they would still be a continent away, an 8 hour flight away. 8 hours is a long time, anything can happen. The thought of the immeasurable distance and the massive ocean separating me from the things i know was atrociously frightening. I cannot describe it. It is just not logical.
I was just fluttering around in tears and confusion, not knowing what to do. All i could do was just sit there and stare blankly out of my room’s window, with tears flowing down. It was terrible, an utterly sickening feeling. That was back in Semester 1. A friend’s mother had stupidly made this comment, “But you are so strong. You are a judo player, you are tough! You actually felt so sad too?”
I was just casting looks of incredulity at her. No one is free from emotional pain, not even the hardest coldest unfeeling person you know. Everyone will melt, either publicly or privately. So anyway, despite being a year and a half more experienced, i am still not totally immune from these feelings of despair, though i must admit that i am much better at handling it. In the end, it really is not as bad as one thinks.
So anyway, i knew how Cheryl was going to feel, particularly since this is the first time for her, and it is going to be hard. I was determined to make it as easy for her as possible. We hung around, walked around school, browsed in the uni’s bookshop for her course materials (and getting a kick out of mocking her and her artsy stuff with my med knowledge), going for a huge dinner where i made sure she choked down some food, and then watching a comedy before heading to her apartment where i did some studying and she did some surfing. I was glad she was feeling a little better.
When i left at 11pm, i knew it would be inevitable the thoughts come when she is alone faced with the 4 walls. Initially, i just wanted to stay over and you know, make the transition as smooth-sailing as possible. But then i realized that this is all part and parcel of an overseas education. Learning to cope and adapting oneself to realities. Who am i to deny Cheryl of this invaluable experience? Besides, i certainly helped her as far as i could. There’s a point when we have to learn how to let go i supposed. It will help them work through life better.
