Read this list:
1) Sudden pimple outbreak, spanning 2 weeks, and still counting. Ugly little dots running down the side of my face.
2) Hair dropping, too many to count, too scared to look in the mirror at my thinning scalp.
3) Perpetually tired. Too stressed to sleep, too stressed to get out of bed.
4) Refusal to read my textbook, because brain is on a mutiny from indigestion.
5) Failure in updating The Sisterhood regularly according to my allocated time slots.
6) Major disappointment in softball.
7) Cursing my committments rendering me almost incapacitated for badminton trainings.
Now, tell me how can i get my act back together?
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When my cell group leader got admitted to the hospital, I was shocked and unsettled.
Why her again? I questioned.
On the first day when i visited her, her face was significantly paler and her radiantness is lost. She was still waiting for the diagnosis and had to remain in the hospital for a few more days. Just the week before, She was full of energy and tremendously cheerful. Despite all that uncertainty, she had never wipe her smile across her face.
When the next week approached, the news that she was transferred to the intensive care unit for 2 days had left me feeling worried and scared. When I was directed to a special big room isolated from the rest of the room, I told myself that I need to be prepared for what I am seeing later. As I walked past the individual rooms within, every room is like a sad story unfolding.
However, when I finally step into the ward she was in, it left me wondering why the room was empty. A sweet smiling nurse told me my cell group leader was just transferred out to another unit. I was pleasantly relieved.
Although she had not been as cheerful as she had been, she never once complain that she was in pain. However, it was me who showed my vunerable side and i felt my eyes welled up.Silly move.
As I settled down I managed to find out from her that She needs to be connected to a respirator(or a machine that assist one in breathing) at night while she was sleeping because her lungs are unable to expel the carbon dioxide within the body.
The next day, my friend and I visited her again. This time she was still connected to the respirator but her spirit was lifted and the chirpyness in her voice is back though a lot softer. The main diagnosis revealed that her condition was due to a viral attack and not because of her previous genetic blood disorder. She would continue to be under observation and further blood samples are sent to the lab for confirmed diagnosis.
We sang croaked to her till she was unable to keep her eyelids open. She will sleep like a child that night.
I had always seen her as someone who treasured life and never left her days past without a challenge or a fight. That is because she knows the preciousness of health, something that I easily taken for granted because I had never lose it before. This had taught me to see and appreciate the fine things. Even if the message could only stick with me for a day or maybe a week or so, i hope I would be constantly reminded to be thankful that I am able to breathe the fresh air.
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2nd week of school
Received my final year research topic on Monday and started a “vigorous” search of literature articles and journals regarding the topic even since. The topic that my group has is: investigation of the parent’s perspective on support groups with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) children. So we started looking up tonnes of articles on parent support groups, the setting up of support groups etc. To our HORROR, our lecturer in charge actually told us TODAY that the focus of this research that we are doing is to create a resource file for the parents with these ASD children! Felt totally pissed when she told us that!!!! Can’t believe the lecturers have such a poor communication system! In turn which caused us to waste our precious time, spent searching the online data base and flipping the misplaced journals… haiz… but thank goodness we found out about it today! (at least it is still better than later!)
Anyway, we spent about 3 hours in the library looking for the articles… and found tonnes of it… In the end, each of us has to read a minimum 9-10 article in order to finish the pile (Our group consist of 5 person). This is just those in hard copy! There is still about 50 more articles that are in soft copy that would be beneficial if we can read them! Sigh… my poor eyes have to work real hard! Worse still… it has already gave me symptoms to remind me that they are working too hard! Hopefully my eyesight will still at least maintain and not deteriorate after reading so many articles!
Anyway, the point of stepping into the final year of my studies have made me/ force me to face the fact that I would be starting work soon…very soon…if I’m not going to study to get my degree straight after my diploma. A lot of my friends are realizing it too… (I mean the fact that our formal study “career” will come to an end soon) including Jiaying. Anyway, just remember that all of us are just as uncertain about our future. We never know what will become of us until we reach that time! If you have a dream, or an ambition that you wanna be, or a goal in mind, just strive hard for it! (while we are still young) No point thinking too much! haha…actually I think I stumbling into the OT course by not thinking too hard when I chose the course! Luckily, I am not regretting my choice! And I’m thankful that I made this choice! Haha… Another thing that I wanna say is: Do Not let the course that you are taking, limit the career path that you can or may take in the future! (hopefully I’m making sense to you people!)
Anyway, I need to sleep to prepare myself for tomorrow! To read up the stack of journals! Take care people!
* I volunteered to host a Japanese student at my house in September for 2 days! And I’m getting real excited over it.. Thinking of the sleeping arrangements, the places I would bring her to and the food that we would go and eat! Hahha.. Hopefully she’s not weight conscious!
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Something wicked this way comes.
i hate how i eat compulsively.
i hate how my pimples cant seem to disappear.
i hate how i cant seem to concentrate.
i hate how i can be such a brat to my father.
i hate how i shout when all i want to do is love.
i hate how i feel so tired, worn, drained.
i hate how my words come out all wrong.
i hate how i conform, pretend, when all i want is to be myself.
i hate how i dislike the person i am.
i hate how i gravitate towards selfcentredness, defensiveness, discontentment.
i hate how i feel like crawling in a dark hole, shut my eyes and hide.
i hate how i hate, when really i should just be happy.
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I cannot believe that I completed by 10km within an hour!! *Pat myself real hard on the back* I came in 124th in position too.
I feel so accomplished that I am able to beat my own personal best timing. Although, I was pretty intimidated by how professional some of the runners look. With tiny water bottle strapped to their hands, nicely toned legs, well-built arms and sun-kissed skin, I had the word “fear” printed all over my forehead while preparing for the race to start.
At the 5km mark, I evidently felt that I was very very tired and could not go on anymore. Some runners began to overtook me as I struggled to find back the comfortable pace. As I proceed on for about 2km, I managed to regain my breathing pace and felt recharged to continue on with the remaining 3km ahead.
I am really glad the way things turn out but I realised that I got to be humble. There are plenty of good female runners around and I am not even close to being any one of them.
Further more, I had met equally enthusiastic runner at the race and had formed brief freindship with them, A working mother who had to juggle with church, running and children. Another young adult who signed up with her entire company female colleagues for the run. I felt deeply encouraged and inspired to up my distance and work harder to train. Half Marathon here I come!
A day of sunshine,exercise,friends and fun. Life seems great ahead. Oh. Not that happily ever after. Did I mention my exams are just around the corner? =P
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I know i haven’t updated. Life’s been a little cruel to me in the first week of my neuroscience semester. Currently, i am lagging 7 lectures behind, and tomorrow is my last day to catch up before i am bombarded by another 8 lectures next week. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like i can do any substantial catching up since i have a softball match tomorrow and it looks like it is gonna take the whole day.
My good friend, Cheryl, has come over to the Land Down Under to study. Her mom left early this afternoon. I have been spending the day with her, and by the way, i am not lamenting, complaining or grumbling. On the contrary, i am glad she’s here. She provides an element of familiarity, a sparkle from my life in Singapore, in a foreign land here.
I remember the day when my parents left me in Aussie after a mere week. It was an overwhelming feeling. My mother started her waterworks on the very morning itself. Thinking back, i realized her sadness didn’t start then. It started way back when i made the suggestion of going to Aussie to study, and the suggestion was turning into a reality. Her sadness manifested itself as anger, and short bursts of temper, which i didn’t recognize at that time, but just attributed it to workplace stress and the excessive financial burden. Now i realize otherwise.
Cold hearted as i am, i am not without feelings. When my mom left, sobbing away, with my father looking distinctly peculiar, i felt my tears coming. All the plans that i had established after my parents left just crumbled. I can still recall those feelings. They were insanely overwhelming. I felt so lost, afloat in this giant city all by myself. And i realized for the first time that if anything was to happen to me, i wouldn’t really have any family to turn to. It would boil down to just me, and only ME to fend for myself and survive. And no matter how hard my parents want to extend their help, they would still be a continent away, an 8 hour flight away. 8 hours is a long time, anything can happen. The thought of the immeasurable distance and the massive ocean separating me from the things i know was atrociously frightening. I cannot describe it. It is just not logical.
I was just fluttering around in tears and confusion, not knowing what to do. All i could do was just sit there and stare blankly out of my room’s window, with tears flowing down. It was terrible, an utterly sickening feeling. That was back in Semester 1. A friend’s mother had stupidly made this comment, “But you are so strong. You are a judo player, you are tough! You actually felt so sad too?”
I was just casting looks of incredulity at her. No one is free from emotional pain, not even the hardest coldest unfeeling person you know. Everyone will melt, either publicly or privately. So anyway, despite being a year and a half more experienced, i am still not totally immune from these feelings of despair, though i must admit that i am much better at handling it. In the end, it really is not as bad as one thinks.
So anyway, i knew how Cheryl was going to feel, particularly since this is the first time for her, and it is going to be hard. I was determined to make it as easy for her as possible. We hung around, walked around school, browsed in the uni’s bookshop for her course materials (and getting a kick out of mocking her and her artsy stuff with my med knowledge), going for a huge dinner where i made sure she choked down some food, and then watching a comedy before heading to her apartment where i did some studying and she did some surfing. I was glad she was feeling a little better.
When i left at 11pm, i knew it would be inevitable the thoughts come when she is alone faced with the 4 walls. Initially, i just wanted to stay over and you know, make the transition as smooth-sailing as possible. But then i realized that this is all part and parcel of an overseas education. Learning to cope and adapting oneself to realities. Who am i to deny Cheryl of this invaluable experience? Besides, i certainly helped her as far as i could. There’s a point when we have to learn how to let go i supposed. It will help them work through life better.
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The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. C. S. Lewis
From my point of view, time passes with the speed of light… No matter if I’m doing anything constructive or not…. Without me knowing, my 1st week of school has passed! What a nerve wrecking realization! We got to know about all our module outlines, I realized that I have 5 written paper to sit for in another 12 weeks’s time, for my semester examination. After which, IMMEDIATELY would be my 8 weeks clinicals, followed by my Final Year Project (FYP) data collect in Dec!!! Which means… PEOPLE I CAN’t GO OVERSEAS LIAO!!! Not that it’s actually news to me… I kind of predicted that from what my teacher was saying for the last semester, that we’ll not have any holidays at all!!! So you people who are going, have fun, but don’t forget my souvenirs k!!!The worse thing is other than that, during school term, we still have thousands and thousands of projects and presentation to do in class… in short, let me summarise what I’m trying to say… I’ll have no time and no life!!! No minimal meeting up with friends , limited shopping time… tonnes of opportunities to stay over at friend’s place (to finish rushing projects)…blah…blah………Haiz…. I’m a year 3 liao! Can you people, whenever you see me, anywhere, online or in person, ask me to study, read up and stop slacking by watching TV!! I need that “push” cos I lack self control!!! Hahha….. I am going to be qualified to start working as an Occupational therapist in less than a year’s time…. I still feel that my skills and knowledge is still not up to standard!! Sigh……..
Anyway, hope that you people are still enjoying life!!! See ya!
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Leaving someone, erasing the person from your life is perhaps more painful than the pain you feel when you’re with him. Maybe that’s why people choose not to end a broken relationship.
A thought, a word, an action have unfathomable cosmic effect on the tangled webs of the universe. Can you imagine that what you are thinking now might shake a planet or trouble a star?
Today on the MRT, I felt a touch of humanity, literally. I gave up my seat to a woman and she patted my arm as a gesture of gratefulness. It was unexpected. She didn’t look like the sort of person comfortable with physical outpourings of emotion. I expected a curt nod of thanks or the most, a quick smile. Sounds maudlin but I felt the warm, fuzzy feeling that the world isn’t that bad afterall.
This week is so far, uneventful. Minus the temporary panic over registration of law modules, the week is plodding along with the weekend round the corner. Our sleepover last Friday deserves to be mentioned. It was a crazy night and here’s a list of our Oscar worthy moments:
1) Mag was obsessed with her nails which were painted a weird but not unpleasant combination of pearly pink and solid magenta.
2) Yiwei swore to God, any God and every God that she does not have a boyfriend.
3) “Jiaying’s hair looks like a ….” “Mop,” replied Jiaying promptly. She was right. That was the word on the Taboo card.
4) Kah Ming woke up and looked into the glassy eyes of Randy.
5) I mistook Jackie’s doggie snore for Mag’s sarcastic snort.
6) I mistook the dogs’ night prowling for a somnambulistic Yiwei.
7) We played a million (it felt like that) rounds of Taboo.
In the airport, Mag’s mum commented on how thoughtful we are to see Mag off each time she returns to Australia. Well, she’s the reason why The Sisterhood of the Guiding Friends took flight.
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I HATE CHOOSING MODULES. Okay, i admit i get worked up super easily. Wai Han and i are supposed to choose our modules for next sem on Wed, and so far i’m still floundering in a sea of possible choices.
All the good choices have been snapped up by the year 4s. So with the remaining few, i must try to take a variety and the timeslots must coordinate. I’m really very stressed because i can’t take too many essay type modules (like interstate relations and corruption etc) which i find interesting but don’t particularly do well in, and must balance with useful modules like IT law and biotech law etc. So how? In a frenzy i called my friends repeatedly probably annoying them to the high heavens but we haven’t come to any conclusions and now i am very resigned and tired.
Argh! Sorry. Boring post but nothing else is on my mind now but good modules, good timetable, good company and hopefully good grades.
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In the blink of eyes, another week has passed… My attachments are finally over! Not that I don’t enjoy going for attachments, just that attachments is extremely draining and physically exhausting!! I’m sure you people who has gone for attachments/clinicals know what I mean! Finally I can enjoy a good long night of sleep again! Haha…
Well, anyway, straight after work on Friday, I was really quite happy that it is all over… and was also looking forward to the sleepover at Mag’s place… I still cant quite believe we spent most of the night playing word games… haha…I am HIGHLY amused by Mag’s dogs…who kept me awake for some parts of the night, also caused me to wake the others all up, especially Wai Han… hahha….Sorry girl for disturbing your sleep through the night! I’m a light sleeper, so woke up with any slightest sound made by the dogs… haha… Can’t believe I actually made an effort to clear the path for Randy to get out of the room. (felt quite sorry for that dog since he’s old, blind and deaf…) Anyway, I really enjoyed the stayover! Even though I felt like a walking zombie the next day.
To mark my temporary escape away from clinicals (for the time being, cos I have another 8 weeks clinicals in Oct), I bought myself a new Korean show to watch, which further deprived me of my beauty sleep! Haha… so people, I’ll just end here so that I can spend more time watching! hahhah (so that I can sleep slightly earlier….. I hope!)
Take care people! For those still having school or STARTING school (including me), good luck and work hard! For those having holidays, play hard and treasure the resting time!I happened to come across this quote! Hopefully I’ll fully realized and ingrain the wisdom of this quote into my head soon!!!!! Hahha….“ I don’t wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work.”Pearl S. Buck
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