a reason a season a lifetime
Today's post will be a random long post, because i have many things to say that don't necessarily connect to one another, and because i won't be posting next Wednesday won't you miss me?
I had Malay class again yesterday. It's my third i think. And i like it more and more each time i go! I guess it's because it's interactive, and you get to know people from all walks of life – there are a number of NUS students – from medicine, arts (like Jolene and i) etc, plus pharmacists and clinic assistants and jc students and social workers etc. I think Jolene is bad at languages so whenever the teacher calls her she will turn super red and we'll look at each other and burst into giggles. I was sitting elsewhere once, and this guy i've never spoken to before actually turned to me and said, "Your friend turns red very easily huh" and we both chuckled loudly. Jolene and i behave quite stupidly really. Like in between we'll look up words in the Malay/English dictionary and find new Malay words to insult each other with. Did you know? OK, accidentally, really accidentally, i found out that the Malay word for sex is "jantina", which Jolene has been using profusely since. The $95 i spent on this class is worth every cent, though i'll probably forget everything i learnt once lessons end.
Both my left and right sandals snapped today, within minutes of each other. It was TERRIBLE – I was at the buona vista bus stop and i was alone and no one would/could rescue this damsal in distress SO i had to plod up the stupid bridge looking completely unglamourous until i finally gave up and stalked around barefeet. Imagine my utter relief when i spotted a shoeshop within 100m of the bridge and i rushed there sweating profusely and dug out the rest of my cash to pay for a new pair.
By the way, have you read the short passage – A reason, a season, a lifetime? Jiaying knows cos i told her about it once, and maybe Mag, cos she reads my blog. The rest – go to this link and read if you haven't. The stark true-ness of this passage just occured to me again these past few days.
Like today. I went back to school to clear my mailbox. And i met a JC friend i haven't seen for 2 1/2 years. I'm sure Friend was in my life for a reason – it's really to teach me how to choose friends. And also for a season – we were pretty close in J1, until i realised that Friend isn't worth my time.
Like yesterday. I thought about my mother, and really, she must be in my life for a reason. It can't be a season, because she's family. Kind of. I'm not unhappy with the person i am today. And i'm independent enough to satisfy myself. And i wouldn't be this way without her, and my siblings. I suppose that's why she's here.
There were some people in my life i really hoped would be around for a lifetime. But there are things just not in my control. Some people you think will be with you for a lifetime, but they actually turn out to be season-ers. And very shockingly, you don't feel very regretful, maybe because the reason for which the person was there for has been fulfilled and exhausted.
In JC i used to count the number of best friends and good friends i had, friends i could go out with, friends i could call. On hindsight, that is stupid, because there were so many that didn't stay, and i don't particularly minded them not staying either. Time is such an important guage, don't you think? I no longer count the number of friends i have, but instead i'm trying to enjoy every second i spend with people i love. I'm genuinely blessed with best friends, friends i can go out with, friends in school i can truly get along with and like to be with, friends to do things with me. I don't have to count them to convince myself that i'm wanted and loved. I should just enjoy them, even if they will be here for merely a season.
Everything is made beautiful in God's own time, and my part is just to live every second fully. The world is at our feet, i wouldn't exchange being elsewhere for a minute, sandals snapping and all.
Feeling the heat
I have been procrastinating way too much recently. Last night, i got desperate, and went online to search for some quotes on self-discipline. I printed 5 of them out in huge bold words, and tacked them on all available space on my walls. It worked. Too well in fact. Because i panicked, and i couldn't get to sleep. I woke up earlier than usual (that means, actually beating my alarm clock to it!), and got straight down to work.
I had a panic attack. I was basically hyperventilating throughout the whole day. Had to force myself to calm down a couple of times, and take in deep breaths to slow my fluttering heart. And then i thought of softball training in the evening, and the impending double matches on Sunday, just before my first paper on Monday, and then the hyperventilation started again.
Even felt that you are trying so hard but you are getting nowhere? I need to get a lot of stuff done within a day. I haven't been unrealistic about my aims. I mean, how hard is it to finish like a couple of weeks' worth of notes in a day?? Very hard, i tell you solemnly. I could rush, seriously i could. But i didn't because i felt it was pointless. Nothing would go into my head, then what would the point be? So i go slow and made sure everything (at least most of it) went into my head and stayed in. And the result? Not completing what i needed to get done.
Seriously, this is starting to look a little dreadful. My exams are on Monday and it's looking like i might just have to cut a few corners. And i absolutely hate that. I really have been consistent this semester, but i still don't understand why the workload is bogging me down.
Damn it.
I am sorry for this crappy entry. My fingers are too numb from the cold. My mind is in a whirl. I just yelled at my mum over the phone. And i have a stack of notes waiting for me, and it's close to 10pm. Why is this happening?
A Change of Heart
I’m back! China is FAB FAB FAB! To think I was actually reluctant to go for this trip. For those who didn’t even realised I was away (Mag actually sent me an sms to blog. Humph), I visited a few cities: Suzhou, Hangzhou, Wuxi, Nanjing and Shanghai. It was not the China I expected so I spent the whole week thinking “I can’t believe China looks like that”. Some misconceptions cleared up:
First, the toilets are as clean as Singapore. Secondly, the streets are as clean or even cleaner than S’pore especially in Suzhou and Hangzhou. Thirdly, the roads are beatuifully landscaped – trees and flowers. Fourthly, the locals are getting the slightest bit more hospitable – our hotel porter was a very friendly chap. Fifthly (is there such a word?), safety has gone up a few commendable notches.
Cruised numerous lakes (one double the size of HK), strolled many gardens, admired a number of pagodas and pavilions, ate lots of fatty pork, gasped at the stunning buildings stretching endlessly in Shanghai etc etc. It is difficult to see how S’pore can rival Shanghai. I felt awed by the sprawling metropolis of fantastically designed buildings and criss-crossing flyovers that run through the heart of city. The neon lights were dazzling, the crowds and traffic bustling, the wind refreshingly chilly.
I walked the streets and immersed myself in the throbbing city. Shanghai feels young and alive. Quite alarmed that I’m turning into a chino-phile. I actually went to Kino today to read up on some Chinese history. Of course the materials are in English. But I’m determined to improve my paltry Chinese so that Xu laoshi will acknowledge me as her student haha.
Here comes the interesting part. According to Yivon. I made friends with this guy and sorta hung out with him the whole of this trip at least the last few days after we got comfortable enough to talk. Bunked with him at the back row of the coach cos everybody in the tour was 2x, 3x or 4x my age. Sneaked out of the hotel room at night to play cards in the lobby. Apparently he is a good hand at cards so I learnt how to play bridge. He’s a pretty nice and laid back guy. That’s all.
So have fun KM! Going overseas is really a good break. Can’t say I’m very glad to be back.
Stop the Sands of Time
It comes as such a pleasant sweet shock when you realise that you can actually be happy without the things you want.
Mag, you called just now, i had many things to say to you but i couldn't because i wasn't alone. I hope you call again soon. Otherwise, the email will make do, but what a poor substitute. All the best for your exams.
I'm flying next friday for a week. Of course i'm excited about going to Australia. But really, it isn't Australia itself that holds such great temptation, instead it's the thought of being able to leave everything behind for the moment and live uncaring for admittedly only 9 days, but imagine! What a glorious 9 days! 9 days of seeing new things. 9 days without needing to think of your grades. 9 days without seeing people you know, besides those you're travelling with. 9 days.
I think i'm an addict to endorphins. Swimming doesn't give you the high running does. Running, with sweat coursing down your face, between your breasts, even on your arms and legs. Then the wind blows, caressing your face. Your mind works as you pound on the ground, step by step by step. You breathe. Whatever that's been bothering you ceases to be of any importance compared with the need to breathe. 1 round. 5 rounds. 13 rounds. 20 rounds. You run on pure peseverance alone, and when you finally stop, the euphoria that clouds your mind is incredibly comforting. How i wish i can bottle this feeling, and feel it forever. I want to be 21 forever.
Have a brilliant week (:
“I cannot be more stress than this!”
My stethoscope has never worked so hard in its life. I have completed 7 physical examinations on 3 different friends today. I am praying very hard that they wouldn't be mean so as to give me a female patient tomorrow. Female patients are trickier to deal with especially since the examinations i am supposed to perform is either about the heart or the lungs. You need skill to palpate the heart in a female especially if the breasts are pendulous. And please, don't take this the wrong way. I don't mind female patients, but tomorrow is an exam, and i don't wish to be put in a dilemma and forced to make difficult decisions. I don't need my judgement to be put to the test so early on in my medical education, and especially not in an exam.
I practised my skills on Charmaine, who started giggling in the initial stages. Like i said, doing medical procedures on friends can get quite awkward and embarassing. Being good friends and hanging out with each other doing crazy stunts is one thing. Touching the body at intimate parts, of a friend, is a whole new level. But then, we were quite professional so that was good. When i did the examination on my good friend Tim, i had to ensure he asked his girlfriend, and i double-checked with his girlfriend. Thank God his girlfriend was over in his apartment. I mean, a guy on the bed, with his shirt off, and me leaning over him (even though i am having a listen to his chest!) is still not the best situation to be caught in!
I contemplated having one last practice on my neighbours, but i decided i had enough for the day. Over-practising can lead to excessive jitters which is not something i can handle at the moment.
I had softball training today (as usual), and it was good. It seemed that my one bizarre catch of a fly ball in last Sunday's match, gained me quite some 'fame'. As in now, practically all the seniors of the softball team know my name, and took the time to coach me in certain aspects of the game. Who would have guessed that a random dog which distracted me, had allowed me to unwittingly catch a ball in the air. What does this show? It means that sometimes we think too much and too hard into something, and it might actually impair our performances. At times, it is better to let go, and just go with the flow. I like this attitude, but it is something i have been grappling for a couple of years now. I haven't master such an attitude, but i am trying!
Ok, it is close to midnight. I should be eating my dinner now, get my formal clothes ironed for tomorrow and get sufficient rest for tomorrow's exam.
Wish me luck guys! 
"Do your best, and God will do the rest."
bleak future ahead!!!
Hi ppl! this is the 2nd week of my holidays….and i’m trying my best to spend every minute meaningfully for myself…as this is “officially” the last holidays that i can spend in peace, without bothering about any final year projects and assignments. sigh… Life can be quite sad at times….
i was trying my best to fix up a date to meet up with my JC classmates…but…. my dear friend got me totally irritated over the matter, so i pushed the responsibility to her… but after 1 whole week, i still don’t hear from her at all…feel like strangling her at time….
Anyway, i seem to be spending a lot of time wityh my poly classmates… practically meeting up everyday. *we are all trying our very best to make full use of this holidays you see..haha….
We had a stayover at one of my friend’s place on Monday, terrace house inhabituated with lotsa mosquitoes and red ants!!! just typing about it makes me itch…haha..At the stayover, we tried to cook ourselves dinner!!! That was really fun! even though we only had 5 persons, we cooked a meal that could feed at least 8 ppl! haha… we spent more that 3 hours cooking k! started at 6 and could only eat at 9+pm…. We managed to successfully cook pasta, potato croquettes, chicken flan, lasagane etc…. That was the first time i actually cook up a proper meal with my friends i think… Although it’s fun, the kitchen grew into a disaster! cleaning up was terrible! we also played overnight mahjong and played bridge till 4+ am in the morning before we went to sleep….
Yesterday, together with 2 of my poly classmates, we sang Kbox for a straight 7 hours!haha…almost lost my voice during the process..but really enjoyed it too. Singing provides the opportunity to vent all the anger and emotions that can be cooped up. Those who are not feeling good, can try it out..see if it works for you!
Anyway, this week i kept thinking about my route to take after i graduate from the diploma course in Occupational therapy. i’ll type out all my options then you people tell me what you feel about them k!
After graduation from poly, should I:
1) Continue my studies at SIM ( local uni, so cheaper for my parents)
2) Continue my studies in Australia to get my degree…( heard that there’s also a uni that provides a straight master course…..)
3) Start work first before going back to study.
Haiz…i feel that if i dun further my studies straight after the diploma, i’m afraid that i might lose the drive to study… but working first also has their benefits! i would be exposed to real life experience, thus making me aware of my specific interest in OT before i specialise in anything… NCSS is also providing sponsorship for those who are willing to join the therapy hub concept that they recently started… so i dunno whether i should take up the sponsorship not…. sigh…(For those out there who don’t know much about Occupational therapy, OTs work in a variety of settings, from hospitals to nursing homes, day care centres, special schools, mental institutions etc….)
Okay…enough of sharing for today… u ppl must be bored after reading so much. Anyway, if u ppl have any questions regarding OT, feel free to ask… My teachers said that it’s very important to start making our vocation known to ppl out there! haha…. Thanks for reading!!!! See ya next week!
A Grateful Hiatus
Been rather mopey and brooding lately. I blame it on the stuffy weather, lack of exercise and too much materialistic pursuits a.k.a. shopping. I seek refuge in re-watching my Jap anime in an attempt to lose myself in the cartoon world and escape from my own. Happy endings are addictive. The trip will cure me of my unrealistic fantasies I hope.
Last week was good. I watched my first R21 show with Kah Ming. Where the Truth Lies. Was half-fascinated and half-disgusted with the sex scenes. Maybe I’m just not mature enough. Saw on of nature’s miraculous manifestations while skating at East Coast Park last Tue. Alternate bands of tiny yellow flowers were strewn across the path. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw it from a distance! Thought the park board decided to draw an extremely long zebra crossing or something. A fortuitous combination of factors (a dry spell, no wind and rain) resulted in that breathtaking scene. Don’t think I’ll see it again.
The highlight of the week was my windsurfing course over the weekend. No. I didn’t get a tan cos it was drizzly and cloudy. Surprisingly, the most difficult part was trying to steer and not the balancing part though I fell into the sea countless times. Shoulders and back ache from trying to hoist the rig each time it fell.
I realised that the depth of the sea is not as frightening as the vastness of the sea. Only when I consciously look around me do I feel the smallness of myself and the largeness of the sea. Then I started feeling scared.
Gotta do my last minute packing now. Let’s have a sleepover party when Mag is back. I’ll bake the cookies and Mag can volunteer her house!
